OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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