everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
