he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Someone signed my nipple.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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