She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
