eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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