Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
