Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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