Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
