I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
