I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
