I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you had me at cake vodka
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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