Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
