I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
