as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
