I heard we made out
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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