...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
