would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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