It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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