Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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