His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
