I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
