she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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