my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize