Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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