oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
