god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
