wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
