Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
