I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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