Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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