So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
