I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
