Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
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Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You left your phone here
Wait...
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