His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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