i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
