I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
