Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.