There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
