Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...

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  (845): What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank... http://tfl.nu/1rf9
  Replies (59) Good night (925) Bad night (5281)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.

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  (508): VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING. http://tfl.nu/vx02
  Replies (22) Good night (5275) Bad night (838)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides

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  (847): she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides http://tfl.nu/frdu
  Replies (51) Good night (12611) Bad night (1249)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it

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  (918): Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it http://tfl.nu/0aic
  Replies (29) Good night (3848) Bad night (1689)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.

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  (203): I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny. http://tfl.nu/r59v
  Replies (17) Good night (844) Bad night (4032)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.

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  (863): Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all. http://tfl.nu/glyl
  Replies (27) Good night (5007) Bad night (1893)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...

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  (763): My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home... http://tfl.nu/n3b5
  Replies (3) Good night (1670) Bad night (564)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...

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  (520): Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first... http://tfl.nu/t3qp
  Replies (9) Good night (1305) Bad night (567)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.

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  (541): I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer. http://tfl.nu/oba2
  Replies (7) Good night (1842) Bad night (542)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.

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  (775): If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs. http://tfl.nu/o8sz
  Replies (1) Good night (906) Bad night (345)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him

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  (402): I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him http://tfl.nu/5l9m
  Replies (5) Good night (856) Bad night (288)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.

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  (605): No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives. http://tfl.nu/8dyn
  Replies (2) Good night (439) Bad night (725)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.

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  (801): Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done. http://tfl.nu/ys5o
  Replies (3) Good night (552) Bad night (365)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling

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  (412): Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling http://tfl.nu/2zhp
  Replies (0) Good night (582) Bad night (326)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.

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  (218): I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/uq12
  Replies (1) Good night (450) Bad night (457)

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