I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.