Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.