And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
