Whod you bang
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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