2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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