Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize