it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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