Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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