You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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