I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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