I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
