I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
