Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
