I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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