i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
