I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
