one two three fourrrrnication!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
