I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this will be a night to untag.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
