You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
