VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
