Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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