I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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