I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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