Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
