Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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