i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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