But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
