Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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