The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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