Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
