Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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